DEAR JUMAI,
I am Yemi, and I love to see myself as a planner and an organiser. Since the year began, it has been a burden in my heart to save more for our future; for a house, a family, and the things we dream about. But my husband seems to live for the now. He spends on luxuries, eating out, and small indulgences that I can’t always understand. I’ve tried explaining that saving is important, but sometimes it feels like my words bounce off him. I love him deeply, and I don’t want money to create distance, but I feel anxious every time I see our finances slipping. I sometimes stay awake at night imagining the future, what if we regret not saving enough? What if our dreams stay out of reach because we don’t align?
I don’t want to nag or make him feel controlled, but I also cannot ignore my gut that warns me this could become a bigger problem if we don’t resolve it. How do I make him see the importance of saving without making him feel attacked?
Dear Yemi,
Your feelings are valid, and they come from a place of care, foresight, and responsibility. Money is often more than currency; it represents safety, trust, and shared dreams.
The first step is to approach this conversation from curiosity rather than judgment. Begin by asking him to share his perspective. Sometimes, our partners’ behaviours are not about carelessness but about their emotional relationship with money. Listen without interrupting, and then gently share your own vision for the future. You can paint a picture of what a stable, intentional year could look like for both of you.
Instead of framing saving as a limitation, frame it as empowerment. Explain that when you save together, you create freedom, security, and opportunities to live the life you both desire.
Suggest a compromise and set aside a portion for indulgences or small treats while reserving the rest for your long-term goals. Celebrate the little wins together when you stick to the plan.
Finally, practice patience. Financial habits take time to shift, especially when one partner feels restricted. Keep communication open, express gratitude for his willingness to hear you, and remind yourself that love can grow even amidst differences.
With empathy, understanding, and shared goals, financial disagreements can become opportunities for deeper partnership, trust, and alignment.
