DEAR JUMAI,
THERE is a man named Musa in my compound. He’s a soldier and a very calm person. Some years ago, he got married to his first wife, Aisha. At first, everything was fine between them. They lived together in a small room and parlour here in Lagos, and they seemed happy.
But after some time, Musa was posted to the North to fight against Boko Haram. He spent several months away from home, and while he was gone, things began to change. People in the compound noticed that Aisha started bringing different men to the house. Before long, word reached Musa that his wife was cheating on him.
When he returned, he was heartbroken and disappointed. Instead of settling the issue calmly, he decided to marry another woman named Zainab. The problem, however, was that he didn’t have enough money or space, so he divided the parlour into two so both wives could have a place to stay.
I still remember the first day Zainab moved in; everyone in the compound watched quietly. From that day, peace disappeared from their home. Every week, there was one fight or another, sometimes over food, sometimes over little misunderstandings.
The shouting never seemed to stop. What used to be a peaceful home turned into a place of constant trouble. Musa later realised that marrying a second wife out of anger didn’t solve his problem; it only made things worse. What is your advice in that situation? Shola
Dear Shola,
Musa’s story is a painful reminder that anger should never drive important decisions like marriage. When trust is broken, it’s easy to seek revenge or try to fill the void quickly, but that only multiplies the pain.
Healing takes patience, reflection, and forgiveness, not replacement. Instead of punishing a partner by taking another wife or husband, it’s wiser to step back, process the hurt, and seek peace within before making another lifelong commitment.
My Roommate Is Lazy
DEAR JUMAI,
I’M a 100-level Mass Communication student. Because I paid my hostel fees late and there was no space left, I decided to rent a flat outside campus. The rent was expensive, so I was advised to get a roommate. I had never lived with anyone aside from my parents and siblings, but I decided to give it a try, and it turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life.
My so-called roommate is extremely lazy. She eats my provisions and doesn’t respect my boundaries. We rented a room and parlour, and since I found the apartment, we agreed that I’d take the room. But every time I return from lectures, I meet her and her friends sitting in my room, eating my food and chatting loudly.
After I complained, things calmed down for a while, but soon she started bringing people to squat. They mess up the kitchen, leave dirty plates for days, and make the bathroom filthy. Sometimes they even use my water or forget to flush. I’m tired and frustrated, but I don’t have enough money to move out. I don’t know what to do anymore; her dirty habits are driving me crazy. Amanda
Dear Amanda,
Sharing space with someone for the first time can be challenging, especially when values and habits clash. You need to have a firm but calm conversation with your roommate.
Set clear boundaries and remind her of the agreement you both made. If things don’t improve, talk to the landlord or caretaker to see if a room swap is possible, or consider finding another roommate when your rent expires.
Until then, protect your peace, lock your room when necessary, keep your valuables safe, and avoid unnecessary conflict. Sometimes, the lesson in a bad living situation is learning how to protect your space.
