BY ROSEMARY NWAEBUNI
“Since after your National Youth Service engagement, you have been in this house waiting for manna to fall from heaven, so you can eat. You can’t keep hanging around waiting until you get a job; you need to go out there and hustle like your mates and make money. Pascal, who completed the Youth Service program at the same time as you, is already making money and supporting his parents’’, chastised Stephen’s father.
‘’The young man who lives in the same compound with me here in Ikorodu, Lagos State, this afternoon consumed two bottles of Sniper, a highly toxic insecticide, leading to his death right in front of his mother. The young man was driven to this extreme act due to his parents’ continuous criticism and comparison of his achievements with those of their friends’ children. All efforts to save his life by other tenants who responded to his mother’s cry for help proved abortive’’, recounted Adepoju.
These two separate incidents epitomise the increasing cases of depression among Nigeria’s youth population, resulting from parental pressure and the tendency to compare their children with their peers who are doing relatively better in the light of society’s misplaced standards. Parental pressure refers to the emotional stress parents tend to put their children through by setting standards and expectations for them regarding academic performance, career choices and social behaviour.
Parental pressure can stem from the desire of parents to see their children succeed in different areas of life, including education, career path and financial success. It can also result from the desire of parents to see their children succeed in areas they themselves had failed, or even forcing them to be like their peers, who they adjudge to be doing relatively well.
On the other hand, the term, ‘’depressed youths’’ refers to young people or adolescents who are experiencing a serious depression epitomised by intense feelings of sadness, hopelessness and loss of interest that goes beyond normal, temporary mood swings.
Depression significantly affects how a youth feels, thinks and behaves, interfering with their daily life, social activities, school work and family relationships.
Parental pressure contributes to the high rates of depression among Nigeria’s youth population. They face immense expectations for academic, professional and marital success. This pressure can lead to overwhelming stress, anxiety and depression, especially when they conflict with a youth’s personal interests or wellbeing.
Examples of pressure mounted on youths by Nigerian parents are replete. They include insistence on high grades in school, regardless of the child’s abilities or interests; insisting that a child pursues a particular course of study in the university without consideration for their particular area of interest; pushing a child to constantly practice for a sport such as footballing activity to win laurels; pressurizing their child to go out there to make money any which way like their mates to improve the family’s financial situation.
Parental pressure contributes significantly to depression among youths in many ways than one. Many Nigerian parents tend to expect too much from their children, a situation that places significant pressure on them to succeed. They are often expected to achieve academic excellence, secure prestigious careers and marry at a certain age.
These high expectations can become overwhelming when they clash with a youth’s personal interests, financial situation or emotional state. Many youths bear this pressure from their parents in suppressed silence due to cultural dictates that promote resilience and consider emotional vulnerability as weakness. This prevents many youths from discussing their struggles with their parents or guardians and getting help.
Toxic home environment, where conflict, harsh discipline, lack of parental support, quarrels, and domestic violence are constant occurrences, combine to worsen the situation of a youth already witnessing parental pressure.
Studies have shown that parental pressure, whether direct or indirect, can take a major toll on the emotional well-being of youths, leading to devastating consequences both for the youths, parents and society.
High levels of parental pressure can lead to increased stress, anxiety and feelings of inadequacy among other youths, making them feel depressed and develop low self-esteem. Youths who face frequent verbal criticisms and unrealistic expectations from parents are at higher risk of being depressed. Mental health experts have expressed concern over the rising cases of suicide linked to parental pressure, high expectations and social comparisons in young adults.
When parents set high expectations for their children, those expectations may be unrealistic, and this can have a range of negative consequences on youths, such as a strained relationship between parents and their adolescent children.
Undue pressure from parents can push youths to engage in risky behaviour, including crime, as a means of coping. Students may be forced to engage in exam malpractice, including cheating, just to meet the academic standard set for them by their parents.
Parental pressure may also lead to aggression, withdrawal and unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse or eating disorders. Some youths may rebel against perceived excessive pressure from their parents and engage in delinquent behaviour as a form of resistance or expression of autonomy.
Persistent parental pressure can have lasting psychological effects on youths, leading to patterns of behaviour that may include criminal involvement, substance abuse and other risk factors into adulthood.
There are many ways youths can deal with pressure from their parents humbly and respectfully. Finding a balance between their parents’ expectations of them and their own desires can appear to be a challenging task. It can be really challenging for youths when their parents are pressuring them to take a particular path while their mind is focused on a different path, such as in education or career.
First, youths need to understand that what they choose to do with their life is important, even though it does not define their value as a person. It is not a big deal that they and their parents have different ideas and expectations. What matters is how they handle the situation. Parents’ expectations are usually with good intentions. However, if youths consider that the expectation of their parents is rather difficult for them to handle, they should try to discuss with their parents on how it makes them feel and seek their understanding without sounding offensive.
Having a frank talk with your parents about what you want for your life can really work wonders. For instance, if your parents want you to be a medical doctor against your desire to become an architect, through respectful and constructive engagement with them, you can make them understand that it does not match your strengths or interests.
No matter how we look at it, parental pressure is not altogether negative. It can also be a source of motivation rather than a cause of stress and anxiety for youths. Parental pressure on children to excel academically helps motivate them to study. Also, given the apparent lack of job opportunities in Nigeria, it is not out of place for parents to pressurise their children to study practical and technology-related courses in tertiary institutions so that on graduation, they can become self-employed rather than spend many years at home seeking a white collar job.
While youths should resist undue pressure from their parents through constructive engagement, parents and guardians should also endeavour to foster supportive family environments rather than ones laden with unrealistic expectations.
Parents should be educated about the potential negative impacts of excessive pressure and encouraged to adopt a more supportive and understanding approach. Parents should allow their youths to set goals for themselves and pursue their passions. This will go a long way to foster a healthier relationship with achievement.
Providing acceptable mental health resources and promoting awareness by government and Non-governmental organisations can also help youths manage stress and prevent depression.
