DEAR JUMAI,
I went against my sister’s advice and married a man who eventually wrecked my life. I loved him with everything in me, so much that I ignored every warning sign, both from my sister and the red flags my own eyes could see.
I had three children for him even before he paid my bride price. Then he changed completely. He would go out, return home drunk, and beat me mercilessly. He took the little money I earned from my petty business and spent it on drinking and smoking.
Despite everything, I still refused to listen. I went ahead and married him, hoping he would change. But it only got worse. Neighbours had to separate us constantly. In the middle of the chaos, I still gave birth to two more children, making it five.
Eventually, I left for the sake of my sanity and so I wouldn’t die in the name of marriage. We didn’t divorce, we just lived separately. He abandoned all five children with me. He doesn’t send money or contribute to their upkeep. I struggle every day to feed them and pay their school fees.
Right now, I am tired. I feel like I can’t do it anymore. I have lost the strength to continue. What should I do? Oluchi
Dear Oluchi,
You don’t have to be strong all the time. Feeling overwhelmed does not make you a failure; it means you have carried more than your share for far too long. You made decisions from a place of love, and while they brought pain, they do not define your worth.
It’s time to release the guilt of the past and focus on the children who depend on you. Draw your strength from them; they are your purpose and your future. You have carried this burden alone for years. Now, you must seek support from family, friends, community organisations, churches, women’s groups, NGOs, or anyone willing and capable of helping.
There is no shame in asking for assistance. You deserve relief, stability, and a fresh start. Take it one day at a time. You have survived the worst already. Your next chapter can be different.
