By Emmanuella Oghenetega
In Nigeria, many families desire to have male children, however, it is sad to state that, not many are concerned about their welfare.
It has become a norm for families to neglect their young boys because they believe that boys can fend for themselves. Sadly, a lot have being victims of molestation, with many clueless on what it means to be molested.
In the society today, much focus is given to the female child, rightly so; especially the need to provide them with education and to also protect them. In all of these, what is the fate of the male child? Who educates him on what it means to be touched inappropriately by an aunty or uncle? Does he know when he is molested? The answer to this question in most cases is, No!
Unfortunately, a large number are unaware of the abuse perpetrated, because it is perceived ‘growing into a man’ or ‘receiving the baton to becoming a man’.
How many people would read, or even believe that a boy/man can be molested?
Have we become a society that puts one gender against the other? Has our fight for ‘equality’ caused us to neglect the other gender? Are we striving for equality, or, are we in contention with the opposite gender? Are we not just recreating the same problem we were up against, but this time around, with the boy child? Why is it boy child or girl child, rather, than just children?
Speaking with a victim (name withheld), he gave revelations of how at age 13, he had accompanied his uncle to see his girlfriend. “I remember that the aunty was very pretty and she kept winking at me, initially i thought something was wrong with her eyes.
“During the course of their discussion, the girlfriend started touching me, I looked at the uncle I followed but all he did was nod, so I assumed it was an acceptable act.
“I was very young and did not understand what was going on, this was like over 20 years ago. The aunty went on to abuse me in front of my uncle.
“Neither of us have brought it up since then. When i even told my friends about it, they were happy for me because the aunty was pretty, and even said i was lucky to have an uncle that would show me the way. So I didn’t see it as anything again.
“I think this is something that happens to a lot of young boys, but who is going to call it an abuse when even your mates will hail you, and if you dare feel bad about it, them go mock you say you no know road and no body wants that.
“But that’s the life of a man las las, anything you see, you take.”
Another anonymous victim, also shared his story which was very similar to the first. And one common occurrence was that they could not complain about it for fear of being mocked for ‘not knowing road’.
During my course of research, i came across Elizabethan Humanitarian Life Foundation, an NGO that mentors young boys.
Answering my query on the number of boys that have opened up about being sexually molested, they revealed, that there have been cases where young men privately shared their stories. Specifically, three
males between the ages of 19 and 25 confided directly to the founder of the NGO during an outreach program.
The NGO revealed that just last week, a 27-year-old man (name withheld), who had contemplated suicide reached out to them. And through the intervention of the Foundation and one of their professional
counselors, he visited their office. One of his major complaints was sexual abuse.
Such disclosures they said remains rare, largely due to shame and fear, which confirms what many fail to see: boys, too, are affected and often suffer in silence.
In response to why there was limited information when it came to abuse of the boy child, the NGO asserted, that it stems from underreporting and the shame
boys are often conditioned to carry.
“From our field experience over the past two years, we estimate that for every 1–5 boys we engage in underserved communities, at least one has experienced some form of abuse emotional, physical, or sexual with no prior support.
“We’ve also seen a disturbing rise in drug exposure and neglect. One of our beneficiaries, Sunday Ayivi, was rescued from addiction and is now undergoing rehabilitation.
“One of the most sensitive focus areas for us is contributing to educating boys on sexual molestation. While our full-scale sexual abuse prevention campaign is still in development, we are laying a solid foundation. We’re currently in discussions with the Lagos State Ministry of Basic and Secondary Education for school-based interventions through our Rescue the Boys Club program. A proposal has been submitted and acknowledged by relevant government units.
In our ongoing sessions, we address:
Body autonomy; Consent; Emotional literacy; Debunking harmful myths that normalize abuse.
“We are also designing a confidential reporting and referral system, in partnership with licensed counselors, and hope to launch a pilot Safe Hub soon.
“There is still a long way to go. But we believe that healing begins with honest conversations like this.
We must begin by breaking the culture of silence surrounding male abuse. Awareness and education are vital, but equally important is the creation of safe spaces where boys feel seen, heard, and protected.
At Elizabethan H&H Foundation, our prevention strategy includes: School-based programs; Community clubs; Family-focused awareness; Policy advocacy.
“Society must stop teaching boys to “Man Up” in the face of trauma and instead give them the vocabulary and safety to speak out.
“We’re working toward a structured referral system, as well as training for educators and guardians to identify red flags early. These steps we believe will strongly save lives. One boy, one conversation at a time.
“Let’s not wait until another boy suffers in silence before we act. At Elizabethan H&H Foundation, we are building a future where restoration and protection belong to every
child including boys.
In the opinion of Comrade Ismaila Yunus, a Rights activist and Social crusader, the society is not doing enough to address issues bordering on molestation of the “Boy-Child” as countless reports of abuses are left unattended to. Societal issues especially religiosity and cultural beliefs have created gaps begging for attention.
“In some states in the Federation, cases of molestation are reported but how it ends, have left sour tastes in the mouths of rights activists.
“While religious leaders remain complacent, it is imperative to note that, changing some of these laws, or, what I will prefer to describe as “acceptable” within the confines of religious dictates, is like wanting to force a horse to the stream and compel it to drink water.”
“In all of these, who will rescue the children, especially the boy-child who has no one to fight his case like the society daily fights for the girl-child? These are some of the questions begging for answers.
“We are responding by building a safe space, a digital platform where the male gender can share their own stories. We are also in discussions with legal professionals who can intervene on their behalf when needed”
This is not to downplay the dangers or inequality faced by girls in the society, but, to understand that children are children. All are in need of care, attention, love and to be treated equally and given equal rights. May we not be a society that, rather than tackle the problem, recreates it.
