Dear Jumai,
On the surface, it might sound exciting or even enviable. I experience a lot of fluid release during intimacy. But what many people consider “sexy” has gradually become a private struggle; one that affects my confidence, my sexuality, and my ability to connect with partners.
At first, it happened only during intense pleasure. But over time, even the slightest touch, a kiss, or mild arousal began triggering it. People are usually intrigued at the beginning, but the excitement fades once the reality sets in.
I’ve watched relationships dissolve because of this. The first incident feels playful. The second is still tolerable. By the third, I can sense the shift: fewer messages, unanswered calls, sudden distance. No one ever says it outright, but I know the truth. Wet beds, soaked furniture, constant cleanup, it stops being fun and becomes “too much.” And each time, I feel like I’m the problem.
It affects me too. Even when I’m alone and feel aroused, I hold back. I avoid touching myself because I already know what will follow: a mess, exhaustion, and cleaning.
Just last night, I tried sitting on the floor instead of the bed. I still ended up in a puddle, spending so much time trying to clean up that the pleasure wasn’t worth it. I am truly tired, tired of monitoring my body, tired of holding myself back, tired that something meant to bring joy has turned into a burden I never asked for. Shola
Dear Shola,
Your body is reacting in a way that feels overwhelming, and that doesn’t make you abnormal or broken. What you’re experiencing is more common than people admit, but the distress it causes is very real. You’ve been carrying this alone, and the exhaustion you feel is a sign that you deserve support, not shame.
Speaking with a medical professional, preferably a gynaecologist or pelvic-floor therapist, can help you understand what triggers this response and how to manage or reduce it.
Many women find relief through guided exercises, hormonal checks, or learning how to regulate arousal at their own pace. You also deserve intimacy with someone who responds with understanding instead of withdrawal. The right partner will not treat your body as a burden. You are not “too much.” You are someone who needs compassion, reassurance, and practical help, and those things exist. Don’t face this alone; your body is not failing you; it simply needs care and knowledgeable guidance.
