I’ll be 25 by June. I got married at 22 to a man who was 37 at the time. He’s now 40, and to be honest, I’m bored in this marriage. We have a beautiful two-year-old son.
My husband lives in Europe and is doing quite well financially. But despite that, he’s incredibly stingy, even to his mother. I have to make a detailed list of our son’s needs just to get a fraction of the money, sometimes barely N1,000.
Thankfully, I’m doing okay for myself. But here’s the main issue: I feel unfulfilled and bored. There’s so much I want to experience before I turn 30, things like clubbing, spontaneous intimacy, and maybe even getting a little wild with someone who knows how to match my energy.
I’ve tried to spice things up, but he keeps shutting me down, saying he’s too old for that kind of stuff. It’s been two years since we last had sex. He’s hardly around, and I’ve been incredibly horny lately.
I told him how I felt, and he simply said I should focus on raising our child. I’m seriously considering finding someone on the side—a guy closer to my age who understands passion and romance. I’ve got a great body, and honestly, unless I mention it, people don’t even know I’m married.
I recently joined a gym, and there are some really attractive guys there. If I send the green light, I know someone will catch it. My lips are so dried up—I just need some affection, attention, and adventure. Lovett
Dear Lovett,
You’re not alone in feeling trapped between the life you chose and the life you desire. It’s clear you crave more than survival; you want passion, freedom, and to feel seen. That hunger is real, and ignoring it won’t make it disappear.
But before stepping outside your marriage, be honest—with yourself first. What do you truly want? A divorce? Change within the marriage? Closure? Cheating might feel like an escape, but it rarely gives you peace, it adds new chaos to old pain.
If your husband has shut down emotionally and sexually, and you’ve done your part to communicate, maybe it’s time to seriously reevaluate the future of your union.
You deserve more than dry lips and a cold bed—but seek that “more” with integrity. Be bold enough to break free, not break trust. You’re young, you’re vibrant, and you still have time to rewrite your story without compromising your values.
