Dear Jumai,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for four years now, but we’ve never spent a night together. Recently, he’s been complaining about this and even said he might break up with me if I don’t come over and spend time at his place.
The truth is, I want to but I’m afraid. I struggle with bedwetting, and I have no idea how to tell him. It’s incredibly embarrassing, and I don’t know how he’ll react. I’ve been hiding it for so long, but now I feel stuck.
Should I tell him the truth and risk losing him, or just let the relationship go quietly? I need advice. Please, what should I do? Peace
Dear Peace,
You’re dealing with something deeply personal and vulnerable, and, understandably, you’re scared. But after four years together, your partner deserves honesty and you deserve compassion and support. If he truly loves and values you, he will not walk away because of a medical issue like bedwetting.
That kind of reaction would say more about him than about you. It’s best to have a calm, private conversation. You don’t have to blurt it out, you can say something like: “There’s a health issue I’ve been managing that makes it hard for me to stay overnight, and I’ve been afraid of how you’d take it. But I think it’s time I shared it with you because I care about us.”
If he responds with empathy, that means he’s someone worth building a future with. If not, then maybe it’s time to rethink whether this relationship is safe and healthy for you long term.
Most importantly, know that you’re not alone. Bedwetting in adults happens more often than people admit, and there are medical options, therapy, and strategies to help you manage it. You don’t have to suffer in silence, either in your relationship or with this condition.
My Boyfriend Snores Like A Generator
Dear Jumai,
My name is Josephine, and I’ve been staying at my boyfriend’s place this week. I need some serious advice.
We’ve only been dating for a month, and honestly, he’s amazing, super caring, generous, and treats me so well. But he snores. Like, snores. I’m talking industrial-generator-level snoring. It shakes the room and keeps me up most of the night.
I’ve tried gently waking him or asking him to change positions, but the snoring comes right back and even seems worse sometimes. I’m completely sleep-deprived and overwhelmed, but I don’t want to come off as ungrateful or make him feel bad, especially since we’re still in the early stages of our relationship. How do I bring this up without hurting his feelings or damaging what we have?
Dear Josephine,
This is more common than you think, and it can be handled gently and respectfully.
First, you’re not being ungrateful by wanting to sleep. Exhaustion will take a toll on your health, your mood, and eventually your relationship, no matter how sweet he is. Since it’s still early in the relationship, it’s a great time to bring this up before resentment builds. Have a conversation with him and be calm and non-blaming. He might already know about the snoring, or maybe not. There are medical treatments for snoring from sleep studies and CPAP machines to positional pillows and lifestyle changes. If he cares about your comfort, he’ll want to find a fix. If he brushes it off or makes you feel guilty, then that’s a red flag. But don’t suffer in silence, speak up early and kindly.
