DEAR JUMAI,
I was once in a relationship with someone I genuinely loved. If you asked me what exactly I loved about him, honestly, I couldn’t even tell you. The relationship was toxic; he cheated on me repeatedly, yet I kept forgiving him. Even when I caught him red-handed, he manipulated me until I ended up apologising because I was terrified of losing him.
I poured so much of myself into that relationship, loving harder and giving more, hoping that someday he’d love me back the way I deserved. I stayed loyal, turned down other people who showed interest, and continued to choose him, but he still betrayed me.
Eventually, I got tired. I found strength and walked away. After that, I met someone new, a kind-hearted young doctor, a man of God. He sends me flowers, pays for my therapy sessions, and does all the little things that make me feel loved and safe. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, I told him I wasn’t ready yet, and he completely understood. He’s patient with me because he knows I’m still healing. Amaka
Dear Amaka,
Amaka, your story is a powerful reminder that love without respect and peace is not love; it is bondage. You did the brave thing by walking away from a relationship that drained you. Healing after such emotional manipulation takes time, and it’s beautiful that you’ve met someone who values your healing process.
Don’t rush yourself to “move on” or commit again just because the new man seems perfect; take your time to rebuild trust in yourself first. The right person will understand that your pace is part of your recovery.
Continue prioritising your emotional safety, and know that love that costs you your peace is too expensive. When you choose yourself, the universe sends people who will choose you gently and genuinely.
My Mother Doesn’t Understand Boundaries
Dear Jumai,
I’m a 26-year-old only child, and I’ve always been close to my mother. She’s 52 years old, warm, caring, and strong, but there’s one thing that has made me uncomfortable for years.
My mum doesn’t seem to believe in personal boundaries. She often changes clothes or walks around the house carelessly, even when I’m present, and it has always made me uneasy. At first, I thought maybe it was normal, but as I grew older, I realised it wasn’t something I felt comfortable with. I’ve tried to talk to her about giving each other more privacy, but she brushes it off, saying, “You’re my child; there’s nothing wrong with that.” It’s difficult because I respect her deeply and don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I also believe that healthy boundaries are important in every relationship, even between parents and their children.
I love my mum dearly, but I’m learning that it’s okay to politely ask for personal space. It doesn’t mean disrespect; it simply means maturity and self-awareness. Every family needs to understand that privacy doesn’t break bonds; it strengthens them. Jude
Dear Jude,
You’re absolutely right. Love and respect go hand in hand, even within families. It takes emotional maturity to recognise that personal boundaries are not a rejection of love but an expression of self-respect.
Your approach is commendable; calm, respectful, and rooted in care. Try having another gentle conversation with your mum, maybe sharing how it affects you emotionally rather than making it about her actions.
For example, “Mum, I feel uncomfortable sometimes, and I’d really appreciate more privacy. It helps me feel respected as an adult.” With time, she’ll understand. Boundaries don’t distance love; they define it. Healthy families make space for both closeness and individuality.
