BY RITA OYIBOKA/JUDITH OBIANUA
An Ibusa-based widow, Mrs. Maria Zobeashia, sat quietly outside her modest home, the mourning cloth draped from head to toe as heavy on her shoulders as the sorrow in her heart. Her husband, a traditional titled holder, had only recently been laid to rest, but for Maria, mourning was far from over.
Local tradition demanded a costly second burial before she could step back into the world of the living. “I’m trapped here. I can’t go to the market, work, or even visit my neighbors until this two-day ceremony is done. But I can’t afford seven goats, among other things they demand,” she confessed.
And so she remains confined, barred from the smallest comforts of human company, unable even to visit a friend who lives just across the street. “If I were to pass away before performing this ritual, they would cast me into the evil forest,” she added.
The death of a spouse is, in itself, a crushing blow. But for many Nigerian widows, grief is just the beginning of a longer, darker journey. It becomes a prison built not just by loss, but by custom, poverty, and the cold indifference of society. The shape of this prison differs from place to place, family to family. Yet its walls, made of superstition, economic hardship, and deeply rooted patriarchal norms, stand firm.
Across Nigeria, grief rarely walks alone. For countless widows, it is accompanied by poverty, loneliness, and a web of cultural demands that do not simply ask for mourning but enforce it, often brutally. The weight of widowhood becomes more than the loss of a partner; it becomes a life sentence.
Beyond grief: Numbers That Haunt
Every June 23, the world observes International Widows’ Day, a day established by the United Nations to raise awareness about the millions of women whose suffering often remains unseen. This year’s International Widows Day theme, “From Grief to Strength,” challenges us to do more than listen; it calls us to take action.
According to the UN, there are 258 million widows worldwide, and nearly one in 10 live in extreme poverty. In Nigeria, the numbers are sobering: The Loomba Foundation in 2015 estimated 3.5 million widows; the International Women Society in 2019 placed the number living in ‘abject poverty’ at 15 million. Yet beyond statistics lie customs that demand a woman proves her innocence and purity, even after her partner’s death.
In parts of the Southeast, a widow may have her head forcibly shaved, be isolated indoors, or be made to sleep beside her husband’s corpse.
Some widows are forced to drink the water used to wash their husband’s corpse, a barbaric ritual meant to “test” their innocence. Others lose property to grasping in-laws, with little regard for the widow or her children’s future.
In the North-East, North-West, and parts of the North-Central region, countless women have been widowed by terror attacks and communal violence, only to find their suffering compounded by the silence and inaction of those in power.
Widow Abuse: Religious, Traditional Rulers Must Act – Ajudua.
In an interview with The Pointer, the States Commissioner for Women Affairs, Community and Social Development, Hon. Princess Pat Ajudua, spoke with conviction about the role of government in bringing solace to widows:
“Our collective efforts are aimed at empowering those impacted by socio-economic circumstances, particularly women and children. It is the government’s responsibility to ensure they receive psychosocial, health, and financial support. We do this through financial and business empowerment, grants, and health care.”
Her ministry, in collaboration with UN Women, is also looking beyond official channels, appealing to traditional rulers and religious leaders to lead the charge against harmful practices. “Victims are often silenced by cultural norms or shamed into submission. Traditional rulers and religious leaders have to speak up and act as well as collaborate with relevant agencies to rid these harmful traditional practices,” she said.
The Ministry, according to her, has outlined concrete steps: From community sensitisation and public advocacy to the enforcement of laws like the Violence Against Persons Prohibition (VAPP) Act. The aim is clear: build a society where widowhood is marked by compassion, not cruelty.
Lost My Home, Job For Being Widowed – Nwakwesi
For some, the hardship goes beyond social exclusion to outright economic ruin. In an interview with Hope Nwakwesi, the Founder of the Almanah Hope Foundation, a Lagos-based Non-Governmental Organisation, dedicated to advocating for the rights and well-being of widows in Nigeria, shared her experience of being widowed at 27 with four young children.
“My late husband, a police officer, passed away less than ten years after our marriage, leaving me a widow at 27 with four young children. After his death, I faced harmful cultural practices like being made to shave my head and wear mourning attire for a full year, though my in-laws, who were both liberal and literate, did not make me undergo the extreme ones.
“Beyond these traditional challenges, my late husband’s workplace, coincidentally also mine, added to my ordeal. Within months of his passing, I was given a notice of eviction from the house provided by his job and slammed with a suspension letter without any prior warning or queries. “Just like that, I was turned from a working-class wife and mother into a homeless, husbandless, and jobless parent of four.
Despite facing abuses and exploitations from family, society, and even the Church, I clung to survival, sustained only by the grace of God,” she said.
Inspired by her ordeal, she founded the Almanah Hope Foundation to cater for widows.
According to her, “Since the inception of Almanah Hope Foundation, our efforts have extended through media, empowerment, and education, aiming to enable widows and children nationwide.
“Our diverse programs, such as the Yearly Charity Walk, the Widows Summit, and the Widows and Women Economic Empowerment Program (WaWEEP) Skill Acquisition Training, have made a significant impact.”
However, she highlighted the role the government and non-profit organisations have to play in protecting the rights and advancing the well-being of Nigerian widows.
“According to the African Union, no group has suffered in the sin of omission in discussions of politics and planning in developing countries than widows.
“The government needs to establish policies to protect widows because there aren’t specific laws for them right now. Helping widows means making sure they have rights and can stand on their own without depending on others.
“The government and private bodies can give scholarships for her kids’ education, health insurance, and small business loans. This would make it easier for widows to rebuild their lives without facing disrespect or mistreatment.
“In Nigeria specifically, the focus should include pioneering educational, housing loans, and health insurance initiatives. Many widows are small business owners, and the system should provide facilities to support them. “It’s time for NGOs to collaborate for sustainable impact rather than cycling through empowerment programs that may lack long-term effects,” she said.
Widowhood: Fresh Wound That Never Heals – Etmunu
In an interview with The Pointer, a young widow based in Anambra, Mrs Chinwendu Etmunu, shared her ordeal.
According to her, “I lost my husband in February this year after a brief illness, and since then it has not been easy. The death of a husband is not something I would wish on anyone, not even my enemy.
The experience is not an easy one. It is not something a young woman of my age should experience. I am left alone with four children.
“When my husband fell ill, I took him to the hospital with the help of his siblings. We sold most of our properties just for him to get well. Though some of his siblings assisted, in the end, he died. After his death, his siblings abandoned me and my children, as if there had been quarrels between us for a long time.
“I lost everything, my husband, our properties. Now I am like someone starting life all over again with four children. It is not easy for me; it is like a fresh wound that can never heal. Knowing fully well that I am to raise my children alone hurts me deeply, and sometimes I ask myself, ‘Where do I start from?’
“I remember when I was in the hospital with my husband; he promised me that he would get better soon, so we could go home. He would say, ‘I will do this and that once I get better.’ Little did he know he would not come back. “Seeing someone you love dying and being unable to render help hurts a lot. I have had to accept it with faith. As I am now, with no help, I had to withdraw my children from private school to a government school to make things a little easier for me. I am now their father and mother at the same time. The situation in the country is not encouraging at all,” she said.
Young Widows Should Remain Focused – Uwakwe
Another widow from Delta, Mrs Obiajuru Uwakwe, also recounted her experience: “When it happened to me, I felt it was a dream until my husband was buried. It was like a dream until he was laid to rest. My last baby was just nine months old then; I was still breastfeeding.
“Everybody, including my husband’s best friend, deserted me. I had to struggle to take care of my children. Today, by the grace of God, they are all graduates and married. I have three children. “One thing about life is determination. Decide what you want, pray, and work towards it. After I lost my husband, I decided I was not going to remarry or date any man because I needed to stay focused and train my children.
“My husband was a civil servant, and he died while still in service. That was why life was not too difficult for us at the time. I had to start a business. Luckily for me, I got a government job after a few years as a nurse, but I am retired now. “I will say young widows should remain focused and take care of their children. It is not a time to start running after men and destroying homes in the name of seeking ‘help’. Console yourself; it is not the end of the world. There will be a better tomorrow,” she said.
Adopt An Aged Widow – Odume
One organisation that has advanced the cause of widows is the Marble for Charity Foundation in Asaba. Run by Dame Ifeoma Odume for over thirty years, the NGO has fostered the well-being of the most vulnerable kinds of widows, the aged, and childless ones, providing financial support, healthcare, and social interaction for these women, who are often lonely and marginalised.
“These women are like orphans, aged ones. Some cannot even access healthcare, and that’s the end for many of them. People do not think the welfare of childless old widows is a concern, likely because they are adults. Some have aunties who are aged and childless and have never thought of rendering them support.
“These women have never had the joy of carrying their own child. In polygamous homes, they are laughed at. In the Marble for Charity Foundation, we have coordinators who visit them monthly to offer them stipends, clean up their homes, and see to their well-being.
“There was this particular woman in our charity who had a well-to-do nephew but was neglected. When this nephew got to know that his elderly aunt was living childless in a mud house where she receives care from our charity, he felt so bad and proceeded to build a two-bedroom apartment for her. He later took her to live with his mother. Our efforts created awareness and rescued her from familial neglect.
“There were others who lived at the back of family houses in rundown buildings, but when their family saw how they were being cared for by the charity, they went on to open up the main house to them.
“These women played a significant role in the nation’s economic growth in their youth and now deserve our help. Policies, especially for free medical care, should be implemented for them.
“There’s much to be done, and it all starts with just one person. I am advocating that; try to adopt one aged woman and meet her needs if you can,” she said.
We Need Stronger Laws For Widows – Okonta
Meanwhile, the Executive Assistant to the Governor of Delta State on Social Investment Programmes, Dr Isioma Okonta, said: “I have passion for the poor, the underprivileged, and for women, especially widows. They often have no one to help them. Many times, when their husbands die, the husbands’ family takes over everything. That’s wrong. “That’s why I wrote a book, Pains of the Widow, which highlights these issues and the suffering widows endure after losing their husbands.
I thank our Governor and the traditional rulers, many of whom have now abolished harmful widowhood practices in their communities.
“I believe there is legislation already in place, but more emphasis needs to be placed on implementation. Stronger laws should be passed to protect widows and deter those who perpetrate such practices.
“In advanced countries, the well-being of the poor and vulnerable is used as a benchmark for national progress. Nigeria needs to move in that direction. This should become a national conversation,” he said.
The burden of widowhood in Nigeria is crushing, and it is long past time to turn the tide. Governments at all levels must rise above rhetoric and actively partner with NGOs to mobilise against harmful cultural practices that deepen the wounds of women already grieving their husbands.
State Ministries of Women Affairs and Civil Society Organisations should prioritise the enforcement of the Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Act, 2015. Its robust implementation would outlaw violence in both public and private spheres, protect victims, and hold offenders accountable.
Beyond legislation, Nigerians themselves must consciously use social media and every available platform to expose and challenge these repressive customs. Those who continues to make life unbearable for widows, in defiance of the law, must face real consequences.
Deterrence only works when punishment is certain and visible.
A major source of widows’ suffering remains the reluctance of men to write wills. Intestacy leaves room for greedy relatives to dispossess widows and children, compounding their trauma. Effective public advocacy is needed to convince husbands to see will-writing not as a curse, but as an act of love and responsibility.
Token gestures will not suffice. Widows need more than sympathy; they need tools to rebuild. Those without sustainable jobs should be empowered with practical entrepreneurial skills, backed by real seed capital.
Public-spirited lawyers and NGOs must also be ready to take up pro bono cases, fighting in court to restore the dignity stripped from widows by callous in-laws and discriminatory customs.
Legislators, both federal and state, must go beyond promises and pass clear laws abolishing these archaic, oppressive customs. In some regions, under customary law, a woman is still treated as a property who cannot inherit from her husband, even if their children can.
In others, a childless widow can neither inherit or remain in her husband’s home and is thrown out like yesterday’s refuse. These are not harmless traditions; they are structural violence against women.
Widowhood must never become a lifelong sentence. It is time for Nigeria to truly listen, not only on June 23, the International Widows’ Day, but every day.
For in the end, a nation is not judged by how it treats its strongest, but by how it protects its most vulnerable. By that measure, we still have a long road ahead, and no excuse not to begin now.
