BY ROSEMARY NWAEBUNI
What has he not done to me? Was it when he tied me in a corner of the house and beat me up because I requested money for food? The other day, he hit the back of my head with a shovel. I went into a coma for more than two days. I almost died.
‘’One evening, as he came back from work, he started beating me again. He beat me to the point I could no longer cry. He made a design on my back with the cane. Our children, desperate to help me, pounded on the locked door, begging their father to stop. But Jonas, my 27-year-old husband, was unstoppable. He dragged the children inside and lashed at them too.’’
This was how 25-year-old Clara, mother of two and a survivor of domestic violence, summarised her near-death marriage experience before she walked away from the union.
Recounting her experience of intimate partner violence, Rebecca, a 26-year-old fashion designer and a mother of three, who eventually left her marriage to escape death, said ‘’I met, fell in love and got married to my heartthrob. Soon after the wedding, my husband Ken began to exhibit certain vile behaviour that got me bothered. He suddenly became controlling and demanding. He would lose his temper and beat me over small issues.
‘’At first, I tried to excuse his behaviour and blamed it on stress, but as the beatings increased, I realised that this was not just a phase but my life’s reality. For 13 years, I lived in fear of my husband and walked on eggshells around him to avoid being kicked and punched. At some point, I lost count of the number of times I was admitted to the hospital on account of grievous injuries inflicted on me by my husband.’’
Recently, a 21-year-old Bina, a resident of Jakpa in Uvwie Local Government Area of Delta State, Nigeria, was paraded at the State Police Command headquarters, Asaba, for stabbing the father of her two children to death, following an altercation.
According to the Police Public Relations Officer, Mr Bright Edafe, ‘’During the altercation, she used a weapon to stab the man in the chest, close to the heart, and the man bled to death.’’
The above accounts reinforce the dangerous and worrisome trend that domestic or intimate partner violence has taken, most especially among young Nigerians.
Domestic violence among young Nigerian couples is a serious problem influenced largely by Nigeria’s male-dominated society, economic hardship, unemployment and cultural norms that normalise male control and female submission. Young couples face unique pressures from these cultural expectations and economic instability, with factors like financial dependency, lack of education for women and marital infidelity contributing to the cycle of violence among young intimate partners.
Domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence or domestic abuse, refers to a pattern of abusive behaviour by one partner against another in an intimate relationship.
This abuse can manifest in various forms, including physical abuse involving the use of force against a partner, such as hitting, slapping, choking, or using weapons; emotional or psychological abuse which has to do with undermining a partner’s sense of self-worth through intimidation, threats, humiliation or constant criticism; sexual abuse, which involves non-consensual sexual act or behaviour such as forced intercourse; financial abuse, which is linked to the control of a partner’s access to financial resources, restricting their ability to work or sabotaging their economic independence; verbal abuse, involving the use of harsh words, insults, or threats to demean and control a partner.
Anyone, male or female, can be a victim of domestic violence, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, religion or class. It can also occur within a range of relationships, including couples who are married, living together or dating.
The pervasive nature of domestic violence is reflected in the report of the World Health Organisation (WHO), which suggests that one in three Nigerian women has experienced physical or sexual violence, and such violence often takes place within the home. WHO statistics further show that approximately 31 per cent of Nigerian women have experienced physical violence since age 15, with most of it perpetrated by intimate partners.
According to a 2019 survey by the National Bureau of Statistics (NBS), 30 per cent of Nigerian women aged 15-49 have experienced physical violence, while a shocking 68 per cent have encountered emotional, economic or sexual abuse.
The causes of domestic or relationship-related violence in Nigeria are manifold, including education disparities, family background, alcoholism, controlling behaviour of partners, marital issues and infertility.
Studies have suggested that domestic violence tends to be more prevalent in households with lower levels of literacy, and women in less educated households are more likely to endure such situations.
Domestic violence has also been linked to family background. Children who grew up witnessing domestic violence in their homes are at a higher risk of experiencing or perpetrating domestic violence in their relationships as adults. In fact, there is a good chance that the culture of domestic violence in a home can be passed down to subsequent generations, perpetuating a cycle of violence and dysfunction.
Alcoholism has also been linked to the prevalence of domestic violence among young Nigerian couples. While alcohol may not directly cause domestic violence, it can increase the frequency and severity of relationship-related violence. This is because alcohol impairs judgement, lowers inhibitions and increases aggression, which can lead to situations where domestic violence is more likely to occur.
Some husbands often display controlling behaviour, dictating a wife’s movements, social interactions, and finances, creating an environment of dependency and abuse. Such controlling behaviour most often results in domestic squabbles and violence. Marital issues such as disagreements over finances, perceived infidelity and a spouse’s failure to meet expectations can act as triggers for domestic violence.
Another major cause of domestic violence revolves around fertility challenges, where the woman is unable to conceive early enough, leading to counter accusations, frustration and anger, which may result in domestic violence.
Domestic violence has profound, debilitating and far-reaching effects on victims, especially women, children and family, impacting their physical, emotional and psychological well-being.
Women who found themselves in toxic and abusive relationship are most likely to suffer injuries including bruises and fractures; chronic health problems such as severe pain, gastrointestinal issues and gynaecological problems; reproductive health issues like increased risk of sexually transmitted infections, unintended pregnancies and complications during pregnancy; mental health challenges such as depression and anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and low self-esteem; isolation from friends and family, leading to loneliness; trust issues as survivors may struggle to trust others, thus, impacting future relationships; economic consequences in the form of victims losing their jobs or have difficulty securing employment due to their situation, resulting in financial instability.
Children are sadly at the receiving end of a domestic violence-prone family, as they may suffer emotional and behavioural issues from constantly witnessing violent eruptions between their parents, as depicted in the shared experience of Clara.
Children in homes where domestic violence occurs may likely experience anxiety and depression, fear and insecurity, physical and emotional torture, aggressive behaviour, feelings of low self-esteem and a sense of hopelessness.
Although there are existing Nigerian laws aimed at protecting partners against domestic violence, especially women and children, the justice system and enforcing authorities do not seem to be doing enough to protect them. There seems to be a lack of moral and political will to adequately enforce the law to punish perpetrators of domestic violence and deter would-be offenders. This and the reluctance of victims to report the incidence of domestic violence against them for fear of a backlash could be the major reasons for the increase in domestic violence in the country.
Despite these challenges, a lot can still be done to stem the tide of intimate relationship violence among young people in our society.
Young people seeking partners should endeavour to find someone who fears God. They themselves should also be god-fearing and have reverence for God. Family background checks are also important. This is because a person is the product of the family they come from. Normally, a violent or dysfunctional family can only produce a violent or dysfunctional individual.
Raising awareness about the dangers of domestic violence and encouraging couples to seek counselling are vital steps in prevention and intervention. Non-governmental organisations (NGOs) and Civil Societies have a part to play in this regard.
Governments at all levels have important roles to play in reducing the prevalence of domestic or intimate relationship violence, especially among young Nigerians. This can be achieved by improving public welfare, promoting justice and empowering women through education and helping victims to access necessary support systems to enable them to rebuild their lives.
There is also the need for enactment of better domestic violence–related laws to replace obsolete, non-workable ones and ensure effective implementation of existing measures aimed to protect victims and hold abusers accountable, such as making mandatory arrests without compromising the course of justice.
